Lukewarm.....

I'm not sure what I saw in him

There was no warmth coming from my soul when we met

Here's my card

Give me a call he said

His attire was impeccable

Well groomed to a T with nothing out of place

I felt no warmth.....

I feigned excitement, after all he was very attractive

Tall,

No children,

Never married,

Gainfully employed

Hi he said returning my call

I cracked a joke

It was followed by an unnerving silence that filled both phone lines

His demeanor was very serious

It matched his somewhat stoic persona

I was happy that he called though

I think.....

But still I felt no warmth.....

When would you like to go out? He questioned

Wednesday is good

We met at a bar and grill

He was dressed to the nines

I had on some jeans and a casual blouse

Small talk was very small

When he did muster a smile I noticed the deepest dimples

With beautiful white teeth and twinkling brown eyes

Were we connecting?

I still felt no warmth.....

Eight weeks later, I received my first kiss

There was urgency in the way he grabbed me

His lips crushed against mine

Hands roaming freely across my body

That'st the best kiss I've ever had he exclaimed

Anticipation and lust ran through my mind

Hard to start fires usually burn the longest

Finally! I felt a little warmth.....

It was only temporary though

Never again would I feel his heartbeat quicken by desire

Or his mouth and hands filled with reckless abandon

It was as though he feared touching me again

It had been four years since he had last "touched" a woman

Time had bruised his ego

There is no warmth in a sad and broken heart.....

Sex was mechanical and uninspiring

No foreplay

No kissing

No real touching

Abruptly stopping in the midst of

Strange how personal hangups tend to surface at

The most inopportune times

Still, I felt no warmth.....

Fast forward

a washing machine and dryer

trips to New York and L.A.

car repairs

clothing

jewelry

monetary gifts

one year later

I still felt no warmth.....

I know that he loves me

And I him

But not a romantic love

We are not really even friends

This whole situation is strange and very unnerving

I am afraid to go but don't want to stay

There continues to be no warmth.....

I buy him things too

cologne

clothing

romantic weekends

dinner

All in hopes that he will come around and open up so that our connection can finally catch a spark

Still, there is no warmth....

I realize that I will never feel any warmth from this man

I cannot live like this

Barely in like and definitely not in love

I tell him over and over again

We are more like friends that lovers

I'll change he tells me

Showing up the next day with a diamond ring in hand and a marriage proposal on his tongue

Have I somehow turned into some spineless

Wavering, unstable woman who has succumbed to loneliness?

I tell him that I need time to think about it

I send him a card

Inside is a check for five thousand dollars

About what he has spent over the last couple of years

No hard feelings and thanks for everything

I have to start living again

So

That

I

Can

Feel

The

Warmth